most people get the pro/con list wrong
let's fix it
You’re reading the flourishing factory — a newsletter of stories, lessons, and frameworks to help you cultivate a flourishing life without falling into busyness or wasting time on the wrong things by JD Tyler
Try as you might, you can’t escape life’s moments of decision.
Ready or not, we all end up in threshold moments where we have to re-evaluate the trajectory of our life and make a decision. Do we stay on the current path or pick a new one? Do we accept the job offer or not? Is it wise to stay or go?
If you’re like me, these threshold moments keep you up at night.
Not long ago, a reader of this newsletter, faced just such a threshold moment.
She was wrapping up a Master’s degree and had to decide to stay in her field, pursuing doctoral work or pivot to something else.
I didn’t have answers for her. These are decisions no one else can make for us. But I did have some guiding exercises and questions to ask.
Today, I’d like to share with you, one of these exercises.
It’s a pro/con list…with a twist
Making a pro/con list is the oldest trick in the book.
But here’s the thing…..usually we have a faulty assumption at work, assuming each item on the list is created equal. Have 5 pros with 5 cons? Looks like you’re in a deadlock. Have 6 pros with 2 cons? Your answer is clear!
Wrong.
Not all items on the list are created equal.
Different items carry different weight.
Instead of treating the list like math equation, you need to feel your way through it.
Some pros carry more weight than cons. And visaversa. You need to let your body and emotions speak.
Make a pro/con list with your head, then check in with your body.
What feels heavy vs. light?
What do you keep coming back to?
It could be you have 1 pro with 6 cons. But that single pro is an emotional anchor you can’t break free from.
Or you have 6 pros with 1 con. But that single con is a shackle you can’t shake.
When we feel our way through a decision, we begin to recognize the body’s quiet wisdom.
Our minds tally the list, but our bodies register the weight. They notice what lingers, what tightens our chest, what keeps returning to our thoughts.
So make the list with your head.
Then sit with it long enough for the rest of you to speak.
Sometimes the clearest answer isn’t the one with the most points on the page.
It’s the one your whole being can live with.
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